I kicked my exam session's butt. Really, I did. Or almost. But at least - I won. All my exams for this term are behind me FINALLY. I still can't really believe that I passed latin. I don't need to retake the damn exam! I was so sure I would fail it that I truly can't believe it's over. My pain and suffering through latin is OVER. (Well, okay, there will be historical grammar at my 3rd year, but still, not quite the same, huh?)
It still eludes me.
I was about to write a really personal post about my illness and my struggle with it, but I had it erased. After all, it's not that important. And who care? I certainly don't, so there's really no point in writing about it.
Maybe some other day.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Have some fun.
I'll spare you the descrpition of my French History exam. I'll just say this: in my student's book I have a 4 (B), so I'm just glad.
Today morning I woke up at 3AM, got up hour later (I like to just lie in bed doing nothing, half counscious and half asleep), drank two energy drinks (apparently I overdosed) and set up for learning.
And then I started walking on the walls. (It's a nice expression in Polish and I think it still has its meaning in English, hasn't it?)
I never felt that much agitated in my life; I would laugh and cry in the same time, pace my room, listening to RMF Classic, dance to the music, whistle and hum and sing along, sit down in my chair, then get up and lie down on my bed, again get up and type something on Hotch (did I mention it's the name of my computer?), then go to the bathroom to wash my face, then pace again a little, then go to the kitchen for some water, then again lie down and so on. Always with my notes by my side, repeating history. And I would make terrible reading mistakes (like reading "damages in empik" instead of "damages in country"). Also I would have a lot of fun with my notes. For example I wrote "England and USA don't respect France during and after the war (and it's hard to be surprised)" or "USA, UK and USSR talk about les choses importantes without France (sob)" and other kinds of comments in parenthesis or strange naming (i.e. "collaboration against the dejndżer of heil Hitla!" - "dejndżer" being Polish simple transcription of English word "danger"). I did have a lot of fun reading that.
(Here's a question. Did I use the word "would" up there well? Or should I write the whole paragraph in past continous: I was laughing and crying, pacing, dancing etc.?)
Today morning I woke up at 3AM, got up hour later (I like to just lie in bed doing nothing, half counscious and half asleep), drank two energy drinks (apparently I overdosed) and set up for learning.
And then I started walking on the walls. (It's a nice expression in Polish and I think it still has its meaning in English, hasn't it?)
I never felt that much agitated in my life; I would laugh and cry in the same time, pace my room, listening to RMF Classic, dance to the music, whistle and hum and sing along, sit down in my chair, then get up and lie down on my bed, again get up and type something on Hotch (did I mention it's the name of my computer?), then go to the bathroom to wash my face, then pace again a little, then go to the kitchen for some water, then again lie down and so on. Always with my notes by my side, repeating history. And I would make terrible reading mistakes (like reading "damages in empik" instead of "damages in country"). Also I would have a lot of fun with my notes. For example I wrote "England and USA don't respect France during and after the war (and it's hard to be surprised)" or "USA, UK and USSR talk about les choses importantes without France (sob)" and other kinds of comments in parenthesis or strange naming (i.e. "collaboration against the dejndżer of heil Hitla!" - "dejndżer" being Polish simple transcription of English word "danger"). I did have a lot of fun reading that.
(Here's a question. Did I use the word "would" up there well? Or should I write the whole paragraph in past continous: I was laughing and crying, pacing, dancing etc.?)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Bragging vol. 2
Remember the exam of History of French Literature (XVIII century) I talked about couple of days ago? The results just came today.
I passed.
More: I passed and I got 5 (A)!
After learning that I also learned that dr C. wanted to talk to me later, because of the discrepancy between my exam's paper and the reading-matter test (as you might recall, I got 4 (B) from the latter, which makes 4,5 (B+) in total). There were a lot of people she asked to wait to talk to them later. She said she would ask every person some additional questions about XVIII-century literature and decide what to give. She asked me about "Julie, or New Heloise" and one little question about "Paul and Virginie". I got it right (though I don't remember much from either of these books) and she gave me 5. "For encouragment", she said. I can take that kind of encouragment ;)
Now, I have to study for exam of History of France, which is on Wednesday and for which I still don't know anything. I sustain my plea: keep your fingers crossed! It seems to work ;)
ETA: Yeah, well. My good mood just have vanished into thin air. I didin't pass the Italian test. (It's not an exam, thanks God, but I still have to pass it to obtain a signature proving that I completed the semester. I'll have another chance on February 10.)
It's a strange feeling. A funny feeling. Like... humiliation. Maybe a little bit of despair. And panic. What if I won't pass the History exam...?
I passed.
More: I passed and I got 5 (A)!
After learning that I also learned that dr C. wanted to talk to me later, because of the discrepancy between my exam's paper and the reading-matter test (as you might recall, I got 4 (B) from the latter, which makes 4,5 (B+) in total). There were a lot of people she asked to wait to talk to them later. She said she would ask every person some additional questions about XVIII-century literature and decide what to give. She asked me about "Julie, or New Heloise" and one little question about "Paul and Virginie". I got it right (though I don't remember much from either of these books) and she gave me 5. "For encouragment", she said. I can take that kind of encouragment ;)
Now, I have to study for exam of History of France, which is on Wednesday and for which I still don't know anything. I sustain my plea: keep your fingers crossed! It seems to work ;)
ETA: Yeah, well. My good mood just have vanished into thin air. I didin't pass the Italian test. (It's not an exam, thanks God, but I still have to pass it to obtain a signature proving that I completed the semester. I'll have another chance on February 10.)
It's a strange feeling. A funny feeling. Like... humiliation. Maybe a little bit of despair. And panic. What if I won't pass the History exam...?
what the exam session do to people...
It's 4 AM and I find myself rereading Twilight (this time, in English), drinking tea (gods' beverage!) and listening to the classical radio (I totally dig RMF Classic).
I'm feeling a little self-counscious right now.
Yeah, well, exam's on Wednesday, right?
I'm feeling a little self-counscious right now.
Yeah, well, exam's on Wednesday, right?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
meme
I am desperately trying to learn, so of course I'm here doing meme. Last time I've done it in 2007, so, well, it was kinda strange to read myself from that time. You know, I was silly. (Like I'm not now...) But let's move to the 2009/2010 New Year's meme!
14. Which song will always be connected in your mind to 2009?
I dunno. There was lot of music I've been obsessing about in 2009. Garou, for instance, also Depeche Mode, Cirque du Soleil, Gianna Nannini and others.
And "Fratelli d'Italia", Italian national anthem. Just because I've started to learn the language. You should see my obsession about "La Marseillaise" when I've started French Philology... but that was in 2008 ;)
15. Comparing with the same period year ago you are:
Happier or sadder? – I am generaly happy person. I'm going through a tough time right now, but I guess it wasn't all that pink last time either. I mean, session exam makes us all a whole lot sadder ;)
Older or smarter? – Older for sure. Smarter? I dunno. It's not really up to me to decide.
Thinner or fatter? – Always fatter. My hormones don't let me forget about themselves.
Richer or poorer? – Tough to say. In the particular moment I'm quite richer than usual, because most often in the end of the month I'm very short on cash. I got some money as a Christmas gift though, so I still; have something on my acoount, not for long, though, of that I'm sure!
16. What would you like to do more in 2009?
Learn. Write.
17. What would you like to do less in 2009?
Be sooooo lazyyyy...
18. How did you spend your Christmas?
Quite good, acutally. Part of my family went to Italian Alps for skiing, so there was so much less noise and chaos.
19. Have you fallen in love in 2009?
In a real person? No.
20. What was your favourite show?
I've had a lot of them. Criminal Minds, The West Wing, House, Stargate, Leverage...
21. Do you hate someone now you didn't hate a year ago?
No. I don't hate anybody, even Anneczka, the plagiarist. Either I'm just incapable of hating, or I didn't meet anyone so villain to hate them.
22. What was the best book you've read?
This question is awful. There was so many of them! I am in constant love with Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. I also very liked the new part of Naomi Novik's Dragon Saga, called "The Victory of Eagles". There were many more, but this two (well, counting Discworld as one ;D) sticks to me the most.
Oh, and I've read the Twilight Saga. It was the best comedy I've ever read, I couldn't stop laughing. Seriously, a glowing vampire? xD
23. What was your biggest musical discovery?
Well, as I said, I've got many musical obsessions, but most of them I knew before, I just didn't realise they were so awesome. Though I certainly discovered one thing - Cirque du Soleil. It's gorgeous, I fell in love first in the "Allegria" song, then with the others. And think about it - the music is only an additive to the circus show!
24. What did want and achieved?
Lots of minor things, but I can't think of anything very significant right now. The recognition for The Spy, maybe?
25. What did you want but failed to achieve?
Same as above, I can't think of anything. The failed work in France, maybe.
26. What was your favourite movie in 2009?
Don't really know. This year was so much TV Shows-orientated!
27. What did you do on your birthday and how old are you now?
I'm 20. What did I do? I invited my friends for the night. First, we spent a nice day together, walking Cracow up and down, then we spent nice night, talking and talking and talking... and having fun ;)
28. What one thing would make the year so much better?
I dunno. My grades getting up, I s'ppose?
29. What did you wear in 2009?
Not so many things. My wardrobe is almost empty. I HATE buying clothes, the only type of shopping I like is spending hours in a bookstore xD And most of my things are black, dark red or dark violet. Or grey.
30. What keeps you sane?
My friends and my writing. And my family, ofc.
31. What celebrity did you like the most in 2009?
Hm. Celebrity? Well, if you call writers celebrities - then Ewa Białołęcka, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman. Also Matthew Gray Gubler, though he's an actor (The latter two mostly because of their twitters xD).
32. What political event moved you the most?
Gambling Gate in Poland, I guess. Obama's beeing awarded the Nobel Prize. Jerzy Buzek getting a post of the President of the European Parliament.
33. Who did you miss?
My family. Living alone is great, but sometimes you just get lonely and you miss your family then. A lot.
34. Who was the coolest person met?
I dunno. Alex, perhaps. And - speaking online - definitely Loralee.
35. Share one precious life lesson you learned in 2009.
Live and let live, I guess. And maybe - just be happy when you can, 'cause you never know when the sorrow will come. Don't let people get to you. Be yourself.
36. Cite lyrics of the song that sums up your year:
"Dans les cafes voisins / In the neighbor cafes
Nous etions quelques-uns / we were a few
Qui attendions la gloire / who waited for the glory
Et bien que misereux / and though miserables
Avec le ventre creux / with the empty stromachs
Nous ne cessions d'y croire / we didn't stop to believe in it [the glory]"
Charles Aznavour - "La Boheme".
Done ;> My first mem in English xD
1. What did you do in 2009 that you've never done before?
Hm. Honestly, I can't think of anything. Nothing significant comes in mind.
Hm. Honestly, I can't think of anything. Nothing significant comes in mind.
2. Have you fulfilled your New Year's promises? Will you make new ones?
I didn't make any, or at least I don't remember. My sole promise for this year: finish The Spy.
I didn't make any, or at least I don't remember. My sole promise for this year: finish The Spy.
3. Have someone of your close ones had a baby?
If you count net-friends than yes.
4. Did someone of your close ones die?
No, thanks God.
5. What countries have you traveled to?
Other than Poland? None. I wanted to go to France for summer holidays, but it didn't work out. (Because I wanted to work there and with all the crisis, they didn't want me. I'm not surprised, after all I'm totally experience-less. Well, I've been to France before as an au pair, but this doesn't really count as a job, now does it?)
6. What would you like to have in 2010 what you lacked in 2009?
If you count net-friends than yes.
4. Did someone of your close ones die?
No, thanks God.
5. What countries have you traveled to?
Other than Poland? None. I wanted to go to France for summer holidays, but it didn't work out. (Because I wanted to work there and with all the crisis, they didn't want me. I'm not surprised, after all I'm totally experience-less. Well, I've been to France before as an au pair, but this doesn't really count as a job, now does it?)
6. What would you like to have in 2010 what you lacked in 2009?
I'm thinking: money. A part-time job, maybe. More inspiration to write. And certainly more inspiration to learn.
7. What date from 2009 will stick in your memory and why?
Hm, I really don't know. I don't hold on to dates, really. I mean, of course, there are certain events I'll remeber for a long time, but already I forgot the dates.
8. Biggest achievement of the past year?
Getting my exams passed, entering new academic year. Nearly finishing The Spy (I am really, really close!). Publishing it online and getting good reviews. I dunno.
9. Biggest fail?
Studies, I guess. I mean, it turns out I'm rather poor student. And another fail - not mine, though - the plagiarism affair. A person I know stole my Spy and posted it as her own story in several places online. I tracked them down, it was erased, but the fact remains. Plus, she threatened me to send my Spy to the publisher stating she's an author. I threatened her with a process in the court, so she shut her mouth, but since that time I haven't publish any new fragment of Spy online. I'd like to try my luck with the publisher and last thing I want is someone stealing my story!
10. Have you been sick? Have you damaged your body in any way?
Well, I've got two chronic, uncurable diseases, one regarding my hormones (I'm on pills that are supposed to put the disease on hold and eventually let me get pregnant, if I'd want, but the effect is minimal) and one my head skin. I also wear glasses. Other than that, I've had pneumonia and a flu few times, but that's kinda normal for me.
11. The Best thing you bought?
I don't buy a lot. Most of my money go away for food and bars (I sometimes eat downtown; also, I hold weekly meetings with my Cracow net-friends and we always go to some bar or cafe to scare waitresses with our talks about philosophy, literature, cinema and other weird things), for photocopies and for books. Books are the best.
12. What for did you spent most money?
Two fantasy cons I've been to, gifts for my family for Christmas (for which I totally blame Loralee ;D), theatre/cinemas/opera tickets and books.
13.What made you most excited?
Falkon, I guess. I really don't usually remember this kind of things.
And, oh, the 100th episode of "Criminal Minds" xD
Hm, I really don't know. I don't hold on to dates, really. I mean, of course, there are certain events I'll remeber for a long time, but already I forgot the dates.
8. Biggest achievement of the past year?
Getting my exams passed, entering new academic year. Nearly finishing The Spy (I am really, really close!). Publishing it online and getting good reviews. I dunno.
9. Biggest fail?
Studies, I guess. I mean, it turns out I'm rather poor student. And another fail - not mine, though - the plagiarism affair. A person I know stole my Spy and posted it as her own story in several places online. I tracked them down, it was erased, but the fact remains. Plus, she threatened me to send my Spy to the publisher stating she's an author. I threatened her with a process in the court, so she shut her mouth, but since that time I haven't publish any new fragment of Spy online. I'd like to try my luck with the publisher and last thing I want is someone stealing my story!
10. Have you been sick? Have you damaged your body in any way?
Well, I've got two chronic, uncurable diseases, one regarding my hormones (I'm on pills that are supposed to put the disease on hold and eventually let me get pregnant, if I'd want, but the effect is minimal) and one my head skin. I also wear glasses. Other than that, I've had pneumonia and a flu few times, but that's kinda normal for me.
11. The Best thing you bought?
I don't buy a lot. Most of my money go away for food and bars (I sometimes eat downtown; also, I hold weekly meetings with my Cracow net-friends and we always go to some bar or cafe to scare waitresses with our talks about philosophy, literature, cinema and other weird things), for photocopies and for books. Books are the best.
12. What for did you spent most money?
Two fantasy cons I've been to, gifts for my family for Christmas (for which I totally blame Loralee ;D), theatre/cinemas/opera tickets and books.
13.What made you most excited?
Falkon, I guess. I really don't usually remember this kind of things.
And, oh, the 100th episode of "Criminal Minds" xD
14. Which song will always be connected in your mind to 2009?
I dunno. There was lot of music I've been obsessing about in 2009. Garou, for instance, also Depeche Mode, Cirque du Soleil, Gianna Nannini and others.
And "Fratelli d'Italia", Italian national anthem. Just because I've started to learn the language. You should see my obsession about "La Marseillaise" when I've started French Philology... but that was in 2008 ;)
15. Comparing with the same period year ago you are:
Happier or sadder? – I am generaly happy person. I'm going through a tough time right now, but I guess it wasn't all that pink last time either. I mean, session exam makes us all a whole lot sadder ;)
Older or smarter? – Older for sure. Smarter? I dunno. It's not really up to me to decide.
Richer or poorer? – Tough to say. In the particular moment I'm quite richer than usual, because most often in the end of the month I'm very short on cash. I got some money as a Christmas gift though, so I still; have something on my acoount, not for long, though, of that I'm sure!
16. What would you like to do more in 2009?
Learn. Write.
17. What would you like to do less in 2009?
Be sooooo lazyyyy...
18. How did you spend your Christmas?
Quite good, acutally. Part of my family went to Italian Alps for skiing, so there was so much less noise and chaos.
19. Have you fallen in love in 2009?
In a real person? No.
20. What was your favourite show?
I've had a lot of them. Criminal Minds, The West Wing, House, Stargate, Leverage...
21. Do you hate someone now you didn't hate a year ago?
No. I don't hate anybody, even Anneczka, the plagiarist. Either I'm just incapable of hating, or I didn't meet anyone so villain to hate them.
22. What was the best book you've read?
This question is awful. There was so many of them! I am in constant love with Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. I also very liked the new part of Naomi Novik's Dragon Saga, called "The Victory of Eagles". There were many more, but this two (well, counting Discworld as one ;D) sticks to me the most.
Oh, and I've read the Twilight Saga. It was the best comedy I've ever read, I couldn't stop laughing. Seriously, a glowing vampire? xD
23. What was your biggest musical discovery?
Well, as I said, I've got many musical obsessions, but most of them I knew before, I just didn't realise they were so awesome. Though I certainly discovered one thing - Cirque du Soleil. It's gorgeous, I fell in love first in the "Allegria" song, then with the others. And think about it - the music is only an additive to the circus show!
24. What did want and achieved?
Lots of minor things, but I can't think of anything very significant right now. The recognition for The Spy, maybe?
25. What did you want but failed to achieve?
Same as above, I can't think of anything. The failed work in France, maybe.
26. What was your favourite movie in 2009?
Don't really know. This year was so much TV Shows-orientated!
27. What did you do on your birthday and how old are you now?
I'm 20. What did I do? I invited my friends for the night. First, we spent a nice day together, walking Cracow up and down, then we spent nice night, talking and talking and talking... and having fun ;)
28. What one thing would make the year so much better?
I dunno. My grades getting up, I s'ppose?
29. What did you wear in 2009?
Not so many things. My wardrobe is almost empty. I HATE buying clothes, the only type of shopping I like is spending hours in a bookstore xD And most of my things are black, dark red or dark violet. Or grey.
30. What keeps you sane?
My friends and my writing. And my family, ofc.
31. What celebrity did you like the most in 2009?
Hm. Celebrity? Well, if you call writers celebrities - then Ewa Białołęcka, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman. Also Matthew Gray Gubler, though he's an actor (The latter two mostly because of their twitters xD).
32. What political event moved you the most?
Gambling Gate in Poland, I guess. Obama's beeing awarded the Nobel Prize. Jerzy Buzek getting a post of the President of the European Parliament.
33. Who did you miss?
My family. Living alone is great, but sometimes you just get lonely and you miss your family then. A lot.
34. Who was the coolest person met?
I dunno. Alex, perhaps. And - speaking online - definitely Loralee.
35. Share one precious life lesson you learned in 2009.
Live and let live, I guess. And maybe - just be happy when you can, 'cause you never know when the sorrow will come. Don't let people get to you. Be yourself.
36. Cite lyrics of the song that sums up your year:
"Dans les cafes voisins / In the neighbor cafes
Nous etions quelques-uns / we were a few
Qui attendions la gloire / who waited for the glory
Et bien que misereux / and though miserables
Avec le ventre creux / with the empty stromachs
Nous ne cessions d'y croire / we didn't stop to believe in it [the glory]"
Charles Aznavour - "La Boheme".
Done ;> My first mem in English xD
Exam session
One exam's behind me, two more to go. It's kinda little, but no worries - next exam session, in June, I'll have at least seven of them, probably ten or more. I rejoice already. Don't you see the glee on my face? No...? Well.
Yesterday's exam was of French Literature, XVIII century. You know: Voltaire, Rousseau, Diderot, Choderlos de Laclos, Marivaux, Beaumarchais, Montesquieu, de Sade etc. etc. I like most of them (I know, I say it about every literary era when regarding to French literature), but Choderlos de Laclos is my idol. Have you read "Dangerous Liaisons"? You should! It's just awesome. Really, one of the best books I've ever read (and I read A LOT).
The exam went well, I suppose. The results - on Monday. The grade will depend on the reading-matter test and the exam (which was in form of an essay; we had 5 themes to choose; I wrote on "Epistolary literature of the Age of the Enlighement", which included "Dangerous Liaisons", but also "Julie, or the new Heloise" and "Persian Letters"). I've got a 4 (B) from reading-matter test, so I hope even if I get only 3 (C, which is the last passing grade), with this and my 5 (A) from an earlier essay ("Ile Saint Maurice: paradise or utopia?" based on "Paul and Virginie" by Bernardin de St Pierre) will make 4, or at least 3.5.
And next Wednesday, I have French History exam (from Great Revolution 'till today), another 6 days after that - Latin. The latest I fear the most, because, well, Latin isn't really my thing. Quite the opposite, actually.
(But I have many Achilles' heels, so... xD)
So... erm... keep your fingers crossed?
Yesterday's exam was of French Literature, XVIII century. You know: Voltaire, Rousseau, Diderot, Choderlos de Laclos, Marivaux, Beaumarchais, Montesquieu, de Sade etc. etc. I like most of them (I know, I say it about every literary era when regarding to French literature), but Choderlos de Laclos is my idol. Have you read "Dangerous Liaisons"? You should! It's just awesome. Really, one of the best books I've ever read (and I read A LOT).
The exam went well, I suppose. The results - on Monday. The grade will depend on the reading-matter test and the exam (which was in form of an essay; we had 5 themes to choose; I wrote on "Epistolary literature of the Age of the Enlighement", which included "Dangerous Liaisons", but also "Julie, or the new Heloise" and "Persian Letters"). I've got a 4 (B) from reading-matter test, so I hope even if I get only 3 (C, which is the last passing grade), with this and my 5 (A) from an earlier essay ("Ile Saint Maurice: paradise or utopia?" based on "Paul and Virginie" by Bernardin de St Pierre) will make 4, or at least 3.5.
And next Wednesday, I have French History exam (from Great Revolution 'till today), another 6 days after that - Latin. The latest I fear the most, because, well, Latin isn't really my thing. Quite the opposite, actually.
(But I have many Achilles' heels, so... xD)
So... erm... keep your fingers crossed?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
65 years
Arbeit macht frei.
It's been 65 years today.
I'm trying to find words, but not one seems to fit the dignity and pain of that date: 27 January 1945.
I think there is no word.
I've been there, you know. Once. And after I came back home and stopped crying, still terrified, still paralysed, still in fear - I promised myself that I'd come back there once. With my own kids. So that they could see. Understand. Feel. And remember.
Because in the moment we stop to remember, we loose.
Professor Władysław Bartoszewski, Auschwitz inmate number 4427, one of the greatest Poles ever, in his today's speech at the camp evoked the line of Book oj Job:
"O earth, cover not thou my blood, and let my cry have no place."
I think it's a good line. Good ending.
Arbeit macht frei.
It's been 65 years today.
I'm trying to find words, but not one seems to fit the dignity and pain of that date: 27 January 1945.
I think there is no word.
I've been there, you know. Once. And after I came back home and stopped crying, still terrified, still paralysed, still in fear - I promised myself that I'd come back there once. With my own kids. So that they could see. Understand. Feel. And remember.
Because in the moment we stop to remember, we loose.
Professor Władysław Bartoszewski, Auschwitz inmate number 4427, one of the greatest Poles ever, in his today's speech at the camp evoked the line of Book oj Job:
"O earth, cover not thou my blood, and let my cry have no place."
I think it's a good line. Good ending.
Arbeit macht frei.
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